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The BDSM A–Z

BDSM Terms, A To Z.

126 words from the lifestyle, explained plainly – with links to the safety guides where the meaning matters most.

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These are the words you'll meet on profiles, in messages and at events – 126 of them, from aftercare to zip ties. Each is explained plainly, tagged by what kind of word it is, and linked to the safety guides where the meaning matters most.

Start with these five.

If you only learn five words before your first conversation, make it these.

  1. CConsent
  2. NNegotiation
  3. LLimits
  4. SSafeword
  5. AAftercare
  • Role who someone is in a scene
  • Dynamic how a relationship runs
  • Play things people do
  • Gear the kit
  • Safety staying safe
  • Community the scene itself
  • Fetish particular attractions

A

Aftercare Safety
What partners do for each other when play is over – a drink, a blanket, kind words, some quiet, whatever was agreed. Tops can need it as much as bottoms. The aftercare guide goes further.
Armbinder Gear
A single long sleeve that holds both arms together behind the back. It puts real strain on the shoulders, so it's for short scenes and people who know their bodies.

B

BDSM Community
An umbrella term that takes in bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, and sadism and masochism. The pairs overlap, and nobody has to like all of it.
Blindfold Gear
The simplest form of sensory deprivation, and an easy first step. Taking sight away makes every other sense sharper.
Body worship Play
Slow, devoted attention to a partner's body – kissing, touching, admiring – often offered as an act of service.
Bondage Play
Restraining someone with rope, cuffs, tape or furniture, for the feeling of being held or the pleasure of holding. Whatever is used should come off fast in an emergency – see quick-release.
Bondage tape Gear
Reusable tape that sticks to itself but not to skin or hair. Ordinary tape shouldn't go on skin; this is what to use instead.
Bottom Role
The person receiving an activity in a scene. It describes the action, so a Dominant can bottom for something and still be in charge. Compare top.
Brat Role
A submissive who pushes back for fun – teasing, testing rules, conveniently forgetting instructions – so their Dominant has a reason to take them in hand. Both sides agreed to the game, which is what makes it bratting.
Brat tamer Role
A Dominant who enjoys a brat, and the battle of wills that comes with one.

C

Caning Play
Impact play with a cane. The force lands on a thin line, so it's intense, marks easily and needs an accurate, careful hand.
Chastity Play
Handing control of your own release to a partner, sometimes with a locked device. The control matters more than the device.
Clamps Gear
Clips that pinch the skin for a sharp, focused sensation. They tend to hurt more coming off than going on, so take them off gently.
Collar Gear
Worn around the neck as a sign of a relationship. It can be a play accessory for one night or, in a committed dynamic, something closer to a ring. See collars and collaring.
Collaring Dynamic
The moment a Dominant offers a submissive a collar to mark a committed relationship. For some couples it carries the weight of an engagement.
Contract Dynamic
A written agreement setting out the rules, limits and expectations of a D/s relationship. It isn't legally binding. Its value is in the conversation it makes you have. See the BDSM contract guide.
Crop Gear
A riding crop: a flexible shaft with a small leather tip, for precise, stinging impact.
Cuffs Gear
Padded leather or neoprene restraints for wrists or ankles. Look for buckles or clips you can open in seconds.

D

Discipline Dynamic
Rules, and the agreed consequences for breaking them. It can be strict or playful, and it only works when both people signed up to it.
Dominant (Dom / Domme) Role
The partner who takes control in a scene or a relationship. 'Dom' is often used for men and 'Domme' for women, though plenty of people use either.
Dominatrix Role
A woman who dominates. The word is often used for professionals who offer paid sessions, but lifestyle Dommes use it too.
Dom space Play
The focused, alert state a Dominant can reach while running a scene – in control, and completely tuned in to the other person.
Drop Safety
A low that can follow intense play, for either partner – sometimes not until the following day, or the one after. Sub drop and top drop are both real, and both easier with good aftercare.
D/s Dynamic
Dominance and submission: a dynamic built on power exchange. It doesn't have to involve pain or bondage at all.
Dungeon Community
A space set up for BDSM play, from a spare room with a few hooks to a club full of equipment. Public dungeons have house rules and someone keeping an eye on the room.
Dungeon monitor (DM) Community
The person at a club or play party who watches for safety, enforces the house rules and steps in if a safeword is ignored.

E

Edge play Play
Activities with higher physical or psychological risk. Where the edge sits differs from person to person; what doesn't change is that edge play needs experience, research and very careful negotiation.
Etiquette Community
The manners of kink spaces: ask before touching anyone or their gear, don't interrupt a scene, and keep what you see to yourself.
Exhibitionism Play
Enjoying being watched. In BDSM that means onlookers who chose to be there – at a party, or a partner who agreed.

F

Femdom Dynamic
Female-led domination, in a single scene or a whole relationship, anywhere from strict protocol to playful teasing.
Fetish Fetish
An intense focus on a particular object, material, body part or situation – leather, latex, feet, uniforms. Fetishes are personal, endlessly varied, and don't have to involve BDSM at all.
Findom Play
Financial domination: a consensual kink in which a submissive gives money, or control of their spending, to a Dominant. Real when both people have openly agreed to it. A stranger demanding money up front is a scam.
Flogger Gear
A handle with many tails of leather, suede or rubber. Floggers run from soft and thuddy to sharp and stingy, which makes them a common way into impact play.
Foot fetish Fetish
Attraction to feet – admiring them, massaging them, worshipping them. A widely shared fetish, and often a gentle one.
Funishment Dynamic
A 'punishment' both people enjoy. The kind a brat misbehaves on purpose to earn.

G

Gag Gear
Something worn in the mouth to muffle speech. With a gag in, a spoken safeword won't work, so agree a non-verbal signal first.
Gear Gear
The kit of the lifestyle: restraints, impact toys, clothing, furniture. Also what kinksters call their collection of it.
Green Safety
In the traffic-light system, “all good, keep going”.

H

Handler Role
In pet play, the person who looks after, trains or shows the ‘pet’.
Hanky code Community
A system of coloured handkerchiefs worn in a back pocket to signal interests, which grew up in the gay leather scene of the 1970s. Which pocket you used said which role you took.
Hard limit Safety
Something that's off the table entirely. Hard limits are respected, never negotiated down or ‘worked on’. Compare soft limit.
Headspace Play
The altered state someone can drift into during a scene. For a submissive it may be subspace; for a top, Dom space.
Hood Gear
A covering for the head, often leather or latex, used for sensory deprivation or anonymity. Breathing must stay easy, and be checked.
House rules Community
The written rules of a club, dungeon or party. Read them before you go, and follow them while you're there.
Humiliation Play
Consensual play with embarrassment or degradation, in words or actions. Because it hits the emotions hard, the exact words and boundaries are negotiated with extra care.

I

Impact play Play
Striking the body for sensation, with hands, paddles, floggers, canes or crops. Fleshy areas like the buttocks and thighs are the targets; the spine, kidneys and joints are avoided. See the impact play guide.

J

Jute Gear
Natural-fibre rope favoured for shibari because it grips and holds a knot well. It's rougher on skin than synthetic rope, and needs looking after.

K

Kink Community
Any sexual interest outside what's considered conventional. Broader and friendlier than BDSM, and often where people start.
Kink-aware professional Community
A therapist, doctor or counsellor who understands kink and won't treat it as a problem in itself. Worth finding if you ever need one.
Kinkster Community
Anyone who's into kink. A friendly catch-all.
Kneeling Dynamic
A position of respect or submission, often part of protocol. Knees matter – a cushion is no sign of weakness.

L

Latex Fetish
Natural rubber worn as clothing, for the look, the shine and the tight fit. Check for latex allergies before it touches skin.
Leash Gear
Clipped to a collar, for pet play or as a symbol of who's leading.
Leather Community
A material and a culture. The leather community grew out of gay men's motorcycle clubs after the Second World War, with its own traditions of protocol, respect and mentorship.
Lifestyle Community
Living BDSM as part of everyday life rather than only in scenes. Also another way of saying ‘the scene’.
Limits Safety
Where someone draws the line, usually split into hard limits and soft limits.

M

Masochist Role
Someone who enjoys receiving pain or intense sensation, by consent. Compare sadist.
Master / Mistress Role
Titles a Dominant may use in an ongoing relationship, often with a slave or devoted submissive. They're earned inside a dynamic rather than claimed in a first message.
Mentor Community
An experienced kinkster who helps a newcomer learn the ropes – sometimes literally.
Mummification Play
Wrapping someone completely – in film, bandages or a sleepsack – as an intense form of bondage. Keep the face clear and safety shears within reach.
Munch Community
A casual social meet-up for kinksters, usually at a café, bar or restaurant, with no play and no dress code. For many people, the first step into a local scene. See your first munch.

N

Negotiation Safety
The conversation before a scene where limits, safewords, health and aftercare get agreed. The negotiation guide goes question by question.
Newbie Community
Someone new to BDSM. Saying so on your profile attracts the right people, and puts off the ones you'd want to avoid anyway.
Non-verbal signal Safety
A way to stop a scene without words: dropping a held object, a set number of taps. Essential when someone is gagged or deep in headspace.

O

Objectification Play
Consensual play in which someone is treated as an object – a footstool, an ornament. Negotiated as carefully as any humiliation.
Old Guard Community
Shorthand for the stricter traditions of the early leather scene: formal protocol, earned titles, long apprenticeships. Often used loosely, sometimes fondly.
O-ring Gear
The metal ring on a collar or cuff, where a leash or restraint clips on.
Owner Dynamic
In some D/s relationships, the Dominant who ‘owns’ a consenting submissive or pet. A role both people chose, and either can end.

P

Paddle Gear
A flat impact toy of wood, leather or acrylic. Wider paddles spread the force; narrower ones bite.
Pet play Play
Role-play in which someone takes on the character of an animal – a puppy, a kitten, a pony – with an owner or handler.
Play party Community
A private event where people play in front of others. Expect house rules, monitors and, at a good one, a clear consent policy. See play party etiquette.
Power exchange Dynamic
The agreed handing over of control from one person to another, for a scene or for longer. The heart of D/s.
Primal play Play
Play driven by instinct – chasing, wrestling, growling – usually with a predator and a prey. It gets physical, so the space and the limits need agreeing first.
Protocol Dynamic
Formal rules of behaviour within a dynamic: how to address someone, where to sit, when to speak. Some couples love high protocol; others keep it light.

Q

Quick-release Safety
Any buckle, clip or knot that opens in seconds. Everything used in bondage should have one, or have safety shears close by.

R

RACK Safety
Risk-Aware Consensual Kink: accepting that no play is risk-free, and making sure everyone understands the risks before saying yes. Compare SSC.
Red Safety
In the traffic-light system, “stop now”. Everything stops, and you check in.
Rigger Role
The person who ties, in rope bondage.
Role play Play
Acting out agreed characters or scenarios – a strict boss, a uniformed officer, two strangers at a bar. Agree the script and the limits beforehand, then let it run.
Rope bunny Role
Someone who loves being tied up.

S

Sadist Role
Someone who enjoys giving pain or intense sensation to a partner who wants it.
Safety shears Gear
Blunt-tipped scissors that cut through rope or tape fast without catching skin. Keep a pair within reach whenever someone is tied.
Safeword Safety
A word agreed in advance that stops a scene at once – something nobody would say by chance in the middle of play. ‘Red’ is a common choice.
Scene Community
Either one session of play, with a start and an end, or the BDSM community as a whole – ‘the scene’.
Scene name Community
A nickname used in kink spaces to keep a real name private. Your bdsm-nevada.com username works the same way.
Sensation play Play
Exploring touch – feathers, ice, fur, fingernails, warmth – often with a blindfold to sharpen it.
Sensory deprivation Play
Taking away one or more senses with blindfolds, earplugs or hoods, so whatever's left feels stronger.
Service submission Dynamic
Submission expressed by doing things for a Dominant – chores, errands, care – where being useful is the reward.
Shibari Play
Japanese-style rope bondage, known for its patterns and for the connection between the rigger and the person tied. Suspension is an advanced form that needs proper teaching. See rope bondage safety.
Slave Role
In some consensual relationships, a submissive who offers a very deep level of service or control. An identity negotiated between adults who chose it.
Soft limit Safety
Something you might do under the right conditions, with the right person – or just not yet.
Spanking Play
Striking the buttocks with a hand or an implement. A gentle way into impact play.
Spreader bar Gear
A rigid bar with a cuff at each end that holds the legs or arms apart.
SSC Safety
Safe, Sane and Consensual: the oldest of the community's safety mottos. Compare RACK.
St Andrew's cross Gear
An X-shaped frame someone can be restrained against, standing. A familiar sight in dungeons.
Sub drop Safety
The low a submissive can feel after a scene, sometimes not until the next day. See drop.
Sub frenzy Community
The rush of enthusiasm when someone new to submission wants to try everything, with everyone, straight away. Exciting – and exactly the moment to slow down and vet properly.
Submissive Role
The partner who gives up control by choice. Submission takes trust and strength, and a submissive's limits shape the whole scene.
Subspace Play
A floaty, trance-like state some submissives reach during intense play. It feels wonderful, and it also means they may not be able to judge their own limits – one more reason to negotiate first. See subspace and sub drop.
Suspension Play
Lifting someone fully or partly off the ground with rope. Advanced, and best learned in person from an experienced rigger.
Switch Role
Someone who enjoys both sides, dominant and submissive, depending on the partner or the mood. Not sure which you are? See Dom, sub or switch?

T

Tease and denial Play
Building anticipation and then holding back, sometimes for a long time. The control is the point.
Top Role
The person doing the activity in a scene – tying, spanking, leading the sensation. Like bottom, it describes the action rather than the power.
Top drop Safety
The low, guilt or doubt a top or Dominant can feel after a scene, even a good one. As real as sub drop, and less talked about.
Topping from the bottom Dynamic
When the person receiving tries to run the scene from below. Sometimes part of the fun; sometimes a sign the negotiation needs another look.
Total power exchange (TPE) Dynamic
A relationship in which the submissive hands over authority across most of life, not only in scenes. Still consensual, still negotiated, and still able to end.
Toy bag Gear
What a kinkster brings to a play date. A good one holds safety shears, water and wipes alongside the fun things.
Traffic-light system Safety
Green for keep going, yellow for slow down, red for stop. A quick way to check in mid-scene that's hard to mistake.
Training Dynamic
Teaching a submissive the rules, positions or skills a Dominant prefers, a little at a time.
Twenty-four seven (24/7) Dynamic
A dynamic that carries on all the time, not just in scenes – often lighter in public and stricter at home.

U

Uniform fetish Fetish
Attraction to uniforms – police, military, medical, flight crew – and the authority they suggest.

V

Vanilla Community
Anything, or anyone, outside of kink. It isn't a put-down – kinksters have vanilla friends, jobs and families like everyone else.
Verified badge Safety
On bdsm-nevada.com, the badge that shows a member has verified their ID. It's free and optional – and worth looking for before you meet.
Vetting Safety
Checking someone out before you meet or play: verification, references, a video call, answers that stay consistent. The meeting guide covers how.
Voyeurism Play
Enjoying watching – at a play party, or a partner with someone else – with everyone's agreement.

W

Warm-up Play
Starting gently before heavier impact or sensation, so the body can take more, and enjoy it more.
Wartenberg wheel Gear
A small wheel of fine pins rolled lightly over skin for a prickling sensation. It began life as a doctor's tool for testing nerve response.
Wax play Play
Dripping warm candle wax onto skin. Use low-temperature candles made for the purpose; ordinary candles burn hotter.
Whip Gear
A single-tail or signal whip. Whips take real skill to aim – practise on a target long before a person.

X

X-frame Gear
Another name for the St Andrew's cross.

Y

Yellow Safety
In the traffic-light system, “slow down or adjust”.
Yes/no/maybe list Safety
Each partner goes through the same list of activities alone, marking every item yes, no or maybe – then you compare answers. There's an example in the consent guide.

Z

Zentai Fetish
A skin-tight suit covering the whole body, face included. Some love the anonymity; others the feel of the fabric.
Zip ties Safety
Best left out of bondage. They tighten but won't loosen, can cut into skin and have to be cut off. Use cuffs, or rope with a quick-release, instead.

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