BDSM Contract
Put It In Writing.
What a BDSM contract is, what it can and can't do, the ten things most contracts cover, and a fill-in template to talk through together.
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A BDSM contract is a written agreement between people in a power-exchange relationship. It sets out what each of you wants, the limits and safewords you've agreed, the rules you'll live by and how either of you can bring it to an end. Some couples treat it as a formality; for others, writing it is the most honest conversation they ever have.
You don't need one. Plenty of good dynamics run on conversation alone. But if you're starting something ongoing – a D/s relationship rather than a single scene – putting it in writing means neither of you has to rely on memory, and nothing important gets skipped.
Know what it is
What a contract can and can't do
| A contract can… | A contract can't… | |
|---|---|---|
| Consent | Record what you've both agreed, in detail | Replace consent in the moment – either of you can still say no, any time |
| Limits | Write hard and soft limits down so nobody has to remember | Remove a safeword, or make a limit permanent |
| Rules | Set out protocols, tasks and the way you address each other | Make anything lawful that isn't |
| The law | Show what you both intended | Be enforced by a court – it isn't a legal document |
| Time | Give the dynamic a review date and a way to end it | Lock anyone in |
What goes in it
Ten things most contracts cover
- Who you are to each other.Names or scene names, and the roles you're agreeing to – Dominant and submissive, Mistress and servant, owner and pet.
- What it's for.One or two lines on what you each want from the dynamic. It's the clause you'll come back to when a rule stops making sense.
- How long it lasts.A trial period – a month is common – and a date to sit down and review it.
- Limits.Hard limits, never to be crossed, and soft limits, to be approached slowly if at all. The consent guide explains the difference.
- Safewords and signals.The word that stops everything, the colours for checking in, and a signal for when speech isn't possible. See safewords.
- Rules and protocols.What applies, and when – titles, rituals, tasks, check-in times. Say plainly whether they hold all day or only during scenes.
- Rewards and consequences.What follows a rule kept or broken, agreed now rather than invented in the moment – and never anything either of you would truly mind.
- Health and safety.Medical conditions, medication, sexual health testing and protection, alcohol before play, and what to do if someone gets hurt.
- Privacy.Who knows about the dynamic, what can be shared online, and how you behave around family, friends and work.
- Aftercare and endings.What each of you needs after a scene (see aftercare), and how either of you can end the contract – with a conversation, not a scene.
Writing it
How to write one together
- Talk before you type.Each of you writes your own lists first – wants, limits, worries – then compare them. The contract comes out of that conversation, not instead of it.
- Draft it together.One person typing while the other dictates isn't together. Sit side by side, or take turns with the same document.
- Use plain words.If a clause needs explaining, rewrite it. Legal-sounding language makes it harder to read, not more serious.
- Sleep on it.Neither of you signs on the day you write it. Read it again with a clear head, and change anything that made you hesitate.
- Keep it somewhere private.Both of you should have a copy and be able to read it at any time.
A starting point
A contract to fill in
Our agreement
Between name, the Dominant, and name, the submissive
Purpose
We're entering this dynamic because what each of you wants from it.
Term
This agreement starts on date and runs for a trial period. We'll review it on date.
Limits
Hard limits: never, under any circumstances. Soft limits: only after we talk again.
Safewords
“word” stops everything at once. Colours: green, yellow, red. Without words: agreed signal.
Rules
rules, rituals and tasks, which apply during scenes only / at agreed times.
Rewards and consequences
what follows a rule kept or broken – never anything that crosses a limit.
Health
We'll share conditions, medication, test results and won't play after alcohol limit.
Privacy
Nobody outside this agreement learns about it except names, if any. No photos without asking first.
Aftercare
After a scene, name needs what helps and name needs what helps.
Ending
Either of us can end this at any time by how you will say so. Nobody needs a reason.
Read, talked through and agreed by both names on date.
A template to talk through together, not a legal document. Fill the gaps in your own words.
Keeping it alive
Review it, change it, end it well
- Review on the date you set, even if everything's going well – especially then, while it's easy to talk.
- Change it whenever either of you asks. A rule that worked in the first month may not suit the fourth.
- Keep old versions. Seeing how the dynamic has grown is part of the pleasure of having one.
- Ending it is a conversation, never a punishment. Whoever ends it doesn't owe the other a reason.
Warning signs
When a contract is a red flag
A contract should make you feel safer, not trapped. Walk away from anyone who:
- wants a contract signed before you've met, or on the first evening;
- writes it alone and hands it over to sign;
- includes a clause that removes your safeword, or says limits can't be changed;
- calls it legally binding, or says you'll owe money or face exposure if you break it;
- uses it to win an argument – “you signed it” – instead of talking.
Met someone here who does any of this? You can block them straight away, and reporting them takes a moment too. The scams guide covers the money and blackmail patterns.
Read next
Before you sign anything
A contract is the written end of a longer conversation. Before you start one, these guides cover the parts it draws on.
Contract questions
Before You Sign.
Is a BDSM contract legally binding?
No. It's a record of what you've agreed with each other, not a legal document, and no court will enforce it.
Does signing a contract mean I've consented to everything in it?
No. Consent is given in the moment and can be withdrawn at any time, whatever the contract says.
How long should a BDSM contract last?
Start short. A month or so lets you both try the dynamic before committing to anything longer.
Do we need a contract for a one-off scene?
Not usually. A good spoken negotiation covers a single scene; contracts suit ongoing dynamics.
Can a contract include punishments?
It can include consequences you've both agreed in advance – never anything that crosses a limit or that either of you would truly mind.
Ready to find your match
Find Someone Worth Writing It With.
Join free and look for people who talk about limits, check-ins and aftercare before anything else.
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