BDSM Checklist
Yes, No, Maybe.
The full BDSM yes, no, maybe checklist – sixty-odd activities in eight groups, to fill in on your own, compare with a partner and print.
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A yes, no, maybe list is the easiest way to find out what you and a partner both want to try. Each of you goes through the same list of activities and marks every one: yes, maybe or no. Then you compare. The matches show you where to start; the maybes give you something worth talking about; and the noes are settled before anyone has to say them out loud mid-scene.
How to use it
Five steps to doing it well
- Fill it in on your own.Each of you goes through the list separately, without seeing the other's answers. That way nobody nudges anybody.
- Be honest, not generous.Mark what you actually want, not what you think your partner hopes for. “Maybe” is a perfectly good answer.
- Add a note where it matters.Giving or receiving? Only lightly? Only with this partner? A few words beside an answer save a lot of guessing.
- Compare – in person, with time to talk.Not over messages, and never just before a scene.
- Start with the easy matches.Two yeses are where your first scenes come from. Everything else can wait.
Comparing lists
When your answers meet
| You | Your partner | What it means |
|---|---|---|
| Yes | Yes | A place to start. Agree the details and go slowly the first time. |
| Yes | Maybe | A conversation – what would make it a yes? Lighter, later, with a particular safeword? |
| Maybe | Maybe | Interesting, but not yet. Talk about it again in a few weeks. |
| Anything | No | Off the table. No persuading, no asking again unless they raise it. |
The checklist
Yes, maybe or no?
Tick your answers on screen, then print the page or save it as a PDF from your browser – the print version leaves out everything but the list. Nothing you tick is saved or sent anywhere, so the list is yours alone until you choose to share it.
Some higher-risk activities are left off this list on purpose. If you're curious about anything that isn't here, learn about it from experienced people before it goes on anyone's list.
| Activity | Yes | Maybe | No |
|---|---|---|---|
| Handcuffs or leather cuffs | |||
| Rope bondage | |||
| Being tied to a bed or chair | |||
| Spreader bar | |||
| Blindfold | |||
| Gag | |||
| Hood | |||
| Wrapping in film or a sleepsack | |||
| Suspension (experienced riggers only) |
| Activity | Yes | Maybe | No |
|---|---|---|---|
| Spanking by hand | |||
| Paddle | |||
| Flogger | |||
| Riding crop | |||
| Belt or strap | |||
| Cane | |||
| Marks that fade within a day | |||
| Marks that last several days |
| Activity | Yes | Maybe | No |
|---|---|---|---|
| Feathers and light touch | |||
| Ice and cold | |||
| Wax play | |||
| Pinwheel | |||
| Clamps | |||
| Scratching | |||
| Biting | |||
| Tickling |
| Activity | Yes | Maybe | No |
|---|---|---|---|
| Following or giving orders during a scene | |||
| Rules that carry on outside scenes | |||
| Titles – Sir, Mistress, Master | |||
| Kneeling | |||
| Wearing a collar in private | |||
| A discreet day collar in public | |||
| Asking permission for everyday things | |||
| Tasks set between meetings | |||
| Chastity |
| Activity | Yes | Maybe | No |
|---|---|---|---|
| Praise | |||
| Pet names | |||
| Degrading words, agreed in advance | |||
| Humiliation, agreed in advance | |||
| Teasing and being kept waiting | |||
| Bratting, and being put in your place | |||
| Playful “funishment” | |||
| Roleplay scenes – a captor, a boss, a stranger |
| Activity | Yes | Maybe | No |
|---|---|---|---|
| Household tasks | |||
| Serving food and drinks | |||
| Massage and bathing your partner | |||
| Protocol at meals – how to sit, when to speak | |||
| Being posed or put on display | |||
| Keeping a journal for your partner |
| Activity | Yes | Maybe | No |
|---|---|---|---|
| Leather | |||
| Latex or rubber | |||
| Uniforms | |||
| Lingerie and stockings | |||
| Heels and boots | |||
| Foot worship | |||
| Pet play | |||
| Pony play |
| Activity | Yes | Maybe | No |
|---|---|---|---|
| Photos or video | |||
| Marks that might be seen at work | |||
| Going to a munch together | |||
| Playing at a party or club | |||
| Being watched while you play | |||
| Watching others play | |||
| Telling close friends about the dynamic |
Once you've compared
What to do next
- Turn your matches into a plan for a first scene, with limits and a safeword agreed – the consent and negotiation guide walks through it.
- Write your hard limits somewhere you can both see. For an ongoing dynamic, they belong in a contract.
- Fill it in again every few months. Maybes become yeses, yeses sometimes become noes, and both are normal.
- Keep your list private. It's personal, and it's yours to share – not something to post or pass on.
Checklist questions
Quickly Answered.
What is a yes, no, maybe list?
It's a shared set of BDSM activities that two partners each rate yes, maybe or no in private, then compare, so both know what to try and what's off limits.
Should we fill in the checklist together?
Fill it in separately, then compare together. Answering side by side tends to nudge people towards what they think the other wants.
What if my partner says no to something I want?
Then it's off the table. Respect the answer, don't push, and leave it to them to raise it again if they ever change their mind.
Is my checklist saved anywhere?
No. The boxes only exist in your browser while the page is open – print it or save it as a PDF if you want to keep it.
How often should we redo it?
Every few months, or whenever something changes – a new partner, more experience, a change in health.
Found your yeses?
Meet Someone Who Ticks The Same Boxes.
Join free, put your interests on your profile, and talk to people whose answers line up with yours.
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